When You Said Forever & Always
by Lexicon04
Summary: Katniss marries Gale after the events in Mockingjay, but as their marriage breaks down she wonders if she made the right choice.


**This is just a little something I came up with a couple years ago, and I decided to share it with the world here. **

**I had to change Gale a bit to fit in with the story, so I apologize if the OOCness is too major.**

**DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Suzanne Collins, I have no rights to the Hunger Games or anything else whatsoever, etc. You get the idea. **

On my wedding day, I'd felt so happy. Finally, I'd made my choice. There would be no more confusion over which person I loved, because Gale was the one. My best friend for years, my hunting partner, my constant companion. . . how could he not be?

When we said our vows, the toasting. . . everything seemed perfect, even more beautiful than I'd ever imagined.

Only one small thing nagged at my mind, but I pushed those thoughts away, irritated at myself. Peeta is in the Capitol, probably not coming back, and definitely not the one I love.

Not anymore.

Somehow, on our wedding night, I didn't feel it. So I told myself it was just a matter of time before it happened and I would be ready. I waited to give myself to Gale. I waited for the right moment, for the one time where emotions couldn't get any higher. And one day, a few months after our marriage, it happened.

We'd been in the middle of a heated argument. Not our first, definitely not our last, but one of the worst so far. Then, Gale surprised me by kissing me right when the tension was at its highest. Every kiss, every caress, felt so angry yet passionate. Fire burned in me, but when it finally came to pass, I knew it was a mistake.

Everything. . . it was just wrong. Your first time is supposed to be beautiful, something special. But this, it just felt. . . forced. I changed into someone mechanical, like me and my body were separate people.

"This is wrong, Gale." I said eventually.

"Why, Katniss? How could this be wrong?"

"Well. . . because. . ." I trailed off, wondering how to explain.

"You're just nervous. Come on, it'll be fine." Gale reassured me, and we'd continued where we left off.

Instead of seven minutes in heaven, it was the two hours of hell. It took me ages to realize that he had taken advantage of me- used me.

It also took me ages to realize that if he hadn't kissed me that day, I never would have had sex with him.

When I woke up screaming from nightmares, Gale used to comfort me. Stroke my hair and tell me it wasn't real, that I had just been dreaming.

Now it isn't like that.

At first, he just stopped comforting me. He pretended to be asleep and I'd have to console myself. Then he started to get irritated at me.

"Can't you control them, Katniss? I mean, they are just illusions of your mind, why are you so scared?" He sneered one day. That led to an argument, but we made up and everything seemed pretty okay for a while. My nightmares just faded into the background, a problem to be forgotten.

Two months later, though, he actually made me move into another bedroom because I'd wake him up so many times a night screaming. After that, they started to get progressively worse. The dreams felt more graphic and vivid, and they'd last for hours. I was trapped in a neverending torture. My screaming would continue long past the point where I woke up, just at the pure horror of it all.

But then Gale and I had an argument over that one as well, so I took to muffling my screams with a pillow or blanket or anything I could get my hands on.

Eight months after our marriage, the serious arguing started. For hours and sometimes even days we would shout and scream at each other until our voices went hoarse. Nothing we did could make it right, and on most occasions our arguments went unresolved. In between the quarrels were fragile moments of peace, where we would make a temporary truce and try to love each other again.

It became harder and harder to go back. By the time we reached the year mark, I knew deep in my heart that it was true. I didn't love Gale anymore. The possibility remains that I never truly did. But now it's too late to turn back.

Most of my time I spend hiding at Haymitch's house. I feel more comfortable with him than I do with my own husband, which I would find slightly ironic if the situation weren't so serious. Every now and then I'd fall asleep on his couch and wake up the next morning to a furious Gale, who would drag me home and we'd scream cruel things at each other.

One day, Gale caught me sneaking out of Haymitch's house, and that was the last straw for him.

"Katniss, if you spend one more day at the fucking bastard's house, I'm going to lock you up in your room and you can stay there until I think you should be let out. Understand?" he said coldly, without a trace of emotion.

"It's my house, I get to do what I want." I muttered under my breath, but he heard me.

"Do you understand?" he screamed at me, grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling my head back.

"Yes! Yes, I understand!" I squeaked, trying desperately to escape his grasp.

"You're so pathetic, Katniss. You used to be so strong. You could take me on in an instant. But now you're so _weak_. I'm disappointed." Each word cut through me like a knife.

Mostly, it's because he's right. I have become weak. I am a completely disposable idiot who can't even stand up to her own husband. Too many nightmares and arguments have beaten it out of me.

All I have the heart to do is curl up in a ball on my bed and cry. Cry for Prim, for me, for everything I've lost in this world. And my husband is one of them.

"Now go make dinner, or are you too cut up to do that, too?" Gale snarled.

Abruptly, I'm furious. "I'm not your slave!" I shouted. Rage burned in my chest.

Suddenly my face stings and it takes me a moment to realize that Gale just slapped me. My eyes widen in incredulity, while his stays cold and rather satisfied.

"I'm not your slave." I repeated, surprisingly calmly considering what he just did to me. I took off my wedding ring and flung it at the ground. Then I ran towards the house of the one person who can comfort me now.

"Peeta?" I whispered as I opened the door. It's getting darker by the minute, but the light in his living room isn't on. I finally spot him, sitting on the couch. Is he sleeping. . .? No. People don't fall asleep sitting up, and even when they do, they always end up falling over. Maybe he doesn't know I'm here.

"Peeta, it's me." I said. No response. I go and sit next to him anyways.

"Look at me." I commanded. I almost gasp right out loud when I see the change. While they used to be a bright, shining blue, his eyes are now dull and unseeing. He looks so hollow, like nothing on the inside remains. Like he's just an empty shell.

This is the face of someone who has utterly lost all hope.

I know that face. It's one I've seen many times. I've even let it show on my own face, but I never imagined I'd see it on Peeta.

"What did I do?" I thought to myself in horror.

"Don't do this to yourself, Peeta." I said. He's so distant. . .

"Why not?" he asked, and if it weren't for the vacant quality in his voice it would be unchanged.

"Because you'll destroy yourself. Look, I know I was terrible to you. I let you down. And you have every reason to hate me. But don't give into it, please. Don't do what I did." I begged, tears streaming freely down my face. I was beyond caring at the moment though.

I waited for a response, but none came. A small choking sound escaped my lips and I ran upstairs, not really caring that this was Peeta's house and not mine. Curling up on the bed, I let myself go and sobbed, letting the tears stain my face. They ran in torrents for what seemed like forever. Even more squeezed from my eyes when I realized that I've lost Peeta. For good this time.

My nightmare tonight is so bad that I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. I ball my hands into fists and give it all I've got. My throat feels like it might tear but the terror is still too great.

The feel of hands stroking my hair must be fake. Gale stopped doing that a year ago. It's all an illusion. My screams got louder but were suddenly cut short when a hand clamped over my mouth. No, it's not an illusion. Gale is going to try and kill me now.

When actually look at him, though, I stop my thrashing immediately. Peeta? What. . .

"Sorry, Katniss." He said, removing his hand. "I had to calm you down."

I can't believe he's here. Really and truly here. I thought he was beyond help, that he was gone.

"Peeta." I gasp and throw my arms around him.

I've missed him so much it's been like a constant stomachache. Now I realize that it hasn't been Gale who I need, but Peeta. My dandelion, the one who gave me hope. The Boy with the Bread. The one I cared for in the arena. Peeta's been with me this whole time, and I'm not about to lose him now.

"Katniss. . . you don't have to pretend for me. I know you love Gale." Peeta said, and I can hear the barely suppressed pain.

"No. I don't love Gale. It was never him, Peeta. Even when we first got married- it was always you." I told him.

"Stay with me?" he whispered, taking my hand.

Now it's my turn to say, "Always."

**Fin**


End file.
